Your dream life might be closer than you think.
We all have a concept in our heads of what “the dream life” looks like. If I asked you right now, you could probably give me a list of ten things that describe a dream life to you.
But have you ever taken the time to really dream about what your life could be? I’m talking about getting a pen and paper, thinking deeply, writing it out, and discussing it with the person closest to you.
If you haven’t done this yet, you may be surprised. Your dream may look very different from the one you thought it was. It may be a much simpler life than you imagined. Much easier to accomplish.
That original dream in your head may not have been your dream at all, but someone else’s.
And hopefully you’re living some of your dreams already! But why only some? Why not all of them?
Is it money? A job? The place where you live? Something or someone that’s mentally or physically holding you back?
Are these real limitations or something you can work around?
Walk through these steps with me and make your dream life a reality.
What do you want to be, have, and do?
There are 3 elements of your dream life: being, having, and doing.
I was first introduced to this concept in the classic book The 4-Hour Workweek, which describes a Dreamline worksheet. The concept is simple. Answer these 3 questions about your dream life:
- Who do you want to be?
- What do you want to have?
- What do you want to do?
Don’t be critical of your dream. Just be honest. It’s your dream, no one else’s.
Write as many of these things down as you want. Then look them over and decide which are the most important ones and put a star or checkmark there. These are the “must haves” to complete your dream. The others you could do without.
When I did this with my wife 6 years ago, our short answer was:
- Be good friends, spouses, parents, and relatives
- Have a home in Colorado or New Zealand—two places we loved to travel
- Do an adventurous activity weekly as a family
As you can see, our identity was around having and prioritizing strong relationships. We could have just as easily chosen occupations, where many people focus their identity. When I quit my job as an engineer and moved to Colorado, my dream was to be a mountain sports athlete. So I’ve added mountain biking, archery, and paddle boarding to existing hobbies like hiking, snowboarding, and cross-country skiing.
“Haves” were not as important to us except when it came to a home in the place we want to live and the equipment to do the activities we enjoy.
“Doing” is all about experiences for us. Exploring the world, doing fun activities outdoors, and going on adventures.
If you have a spouse, he or she is an essential part of this process. If not, sit down with the closest person in your life and discuss your list with them. They know you best and it’s great to have their input. They might be able to tell you something about yourself that you didn’t think of at first!
How much does it cost?
All of your dreams of costs money.
At first, I thought having good relationships was the exception. Then I realized that it costs money to travel and see friends and family. Even for those who live nearby, we spend money having them over to dinner or going out and doing things together. Gas, tickets, food, drinks. And there’s the occasional gift.
It would be less expensive to just stay home alone. But then you wouldn’t be living your dream, would you?
So think about what it would cost above and beyond your baseline expenses to make your dream life happen. Do your best to put a realistic monthly or yearly number on each dream.
We decided that we would spend an extra $200/month on relationships, $1,000/month on a home in our dream location, and $1,100/month on weekly adventures, including some bigger vacations.
Stack all of the dream costs on top of your baseline living expenses, and you’ll see how much your dreams really cost you. Surprised at how achievable it looks? I hope so!
Our dream life cost $7,500/month. Big, but possible. So we got to work and can now live that life with the income from our investments alone!
When will you start?
Now it’s time to start making your dream life come true.
When do you want to start each of these dreams? For some of them, it could be this week! For others, you might need to make a big life change that requires some planning first.
If you want to have a nice bottle of wine with your partner once a month while watching the sunset or a movie, you can fit that in now. If you want to leave your career behind and move to the mountains—like I did—set a date, then start making plans that will get you there!
By putting a start date on your dreams, you’re making a commitment to yourself. This makes it much more likely that you actually reach them!
And don’t let yourself forget this commitment. Put your dreams list where you will see it often, keep dreaming about them, and stay motivated to achieve them. Next to your bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, or in a weekly reminder on your phone are all good places.
How can you make your dream life happen?
You might be looking at a dream on your list and saying “but I can’t do that” because of some barrier in your life. Money. Time. Health. A job or relationship.
Most of the time we have more control over these barriers than we think. We constructed them in our minds, and all it takes is some creativity to remove them or to make a tradeoff so they become small and insignificant.
Time and money
If money is the problem, take a look at your spending habits. Are there things in your life that cost a lot of money now, but that didn’t make your dreams list? They’re taking resources that could be used to live your dreams. Cut them down or cut them out!
If time is the problem, you might be saying ‘yes’ to too many things. Start saying ‘no’ to things that don’t represent your dream life. Make room for the life you want.
I could have approached the time and money problem in multiple ways. I could have used more time up front to build PathwayToFI into a profitable business and then left my job to get time back. Or I could have moved to Colorado right away and cut my expenses until I built another income stream. Instead, I chose to save and invest all the money I would need to launch my dream life on day 1, and then build PathwayToFI from the ground up after leaving my job. That gave me the best use of my time before and after the move.
Health
If health is the problem to living your dream life, is there something you can do proactively to heal or to get in the shape that you need to be in? If it’s a chronic condition that has no cure, how can you redefine your dream life in the context of that limitation?
I’ve seen people who can’t walk, flying down the mountain on special-made skis. Not being able to walk isn’t stopping them from their dream!
Jobs and relationships
If your job is the problem, make a plan to change jobs or even careers. You’re never stuck in a job for too long. There’s plenty of opportunity to find something you enjoy doing, or to create the job for yourself. Start learning a new skill, networking in your career field or the one you want to be in, and you’ll be surprised what opportunities come your way.
The problem with my job was that I wanted more time for other things, and I couldn’t work in the same position if I moved Colorado. So I enjoyed a few more years as an engineer and built up more savings, then embarked on a new journey!
If I wanted to keeping working in engineering, I could have moved to a remote, part-time position. And I could always get that remote job in the future if I want it. It’s great to have options!
If it’s a relationship that’s holding you back, there’s plenty you can work on also. You may find that when you communicate your latest dreams with that person and they see how excited you are, they change their opinion. If they love you and want the best for you, they’ll usually try to fit their dreams together with yours and make things work. If not, counseling could help.
In relationships, there’s always compromise. My wife and I both gave up something to move to Colorado, eliminate my income, and start many pieces of our life over again. And neither of us got the exact dream that we started with individually. But together, we’re living an amazing life that we never could have imagined when we first met in college!
Summary
You can make your dream life a reality! Write it down, plan it out, and make it happen.
Use the Dreamline worksheet or make your own simple list. Figure out how much it costs. Then give yourself a deadline so you’ll get to work on the plan.
And don’t let barriers get in your way. Find a way to get rid of them, work around them, or work with them to make a dream life that’s uniquely yours.
The life I’m living today is a result of this process. It’s one that I don’t ever feel the need to “escape” or take a vacation from. And I hope you’ll create that life for yourself too!
Cheers to embarking on your next adventure.
If you enjoyed this article, read this next: What Actually Makes You Happy Isn’t What You Think.
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