“The way you live your days is the way you live your life.” –Annie Dillard
It was a cold winter morning, and the sun was still below the horizon. Julian was on his second cup of coffee, loaded with creamer to disguise its bitter taste. He hunched forward, squinting at the report he was creating as he mindlessly stuffed another donut into his mouth. More fluorescent lights flickered on as his coworker entered the opposite end of the office.
“Morning,” he mumbled halfheartedly as she passed on her way to the kitchen.
Julian had been leaving the house every morning before his family awoke for the past 6 weeks. His hour-long commute brought him home by 7pm each night. It was just in time to eat a late dinner and see his 2 young children for an hour before they went to bed. He had very little energy left at the end of the day, and just wanted to relax and watch TV by then. So his marriage was suffering as well.
“This is just temporary, honey,” he told her. “If I can impress my boss with this project, I have a great chance for that promotion to Senior Director! Then we can start living the life of our dreams…”
He used to exercise a few times a week, but there was no time for that these days. Recently, he noticed that his clothes weren’t fitting as well as they used to. And he just learned—for the first time during his annual checkup—that his blood pressure and cholesterol levels were high.
I guess I should start going for sparkling water instead of coke at lunch. And I probably should find a healthier snack than that candy bar from the vending machine every afternoon, he thought. But his willpower was exhausted, and he just continued doing what ‘helped’ him get through those 12-hour work days.
Does this sound anything like you?
Julian had a successful career and a high salary. He lived in a beautiful home, drove nice cars, and took an annual Caribbean vacation. He even sent a professional photo to friends and family every Christmas, showing how happy his family was.
But he was emotionally drained, burnt out, and tired. His quality of life was suffering as he worked to provide what he thought was the best quality of life for his family. He was prioritizing status symbols and sacrificing things that matter more: family, health, and time.
How much of Julian’s situation can you relate to?
If quality of life is really important to you, would you choose to live this way?
There’s good news. You don’t have to choose one extreme over the other. You can find a balance between career/financial success and your personal quality of life.
It all comes down to using your time wisely and maintaining energy and engagement in all areas of your life. Approach your work with positive energy, know what needs to be accomplished for the day, and efficiently complete your projects. Then go home on time, give your best to your family, and take care of yourself.
A different approach for a different outcome
Let’s contrast Julian’s life with Matt.
Matt works for the same company, and is in a similar role as Julian. He wakes up bright and early each morning to fit in a run or a quick strength workout. Then he eats breakfast with his family and kisses them goodbye before heading to work.
He lives in a modest home so that he can afford to be just 15 minutes away from the office. This gives him an extra hour and a half of personal time each day. Julian spends that time in traffic.
When Matt gets to the office, Julian has already been there for 2 hours. Julian mutters ‘slacker’ under his breath. Everyone knows Julian is the more dedicated employee!
But Matt brings energy and enthusiasm everywhere he goes, fueled by a good night’s sleep, exercise, a healthy breakfast, and smiles from his wife and children that morning. He jumps right into work, makes sound decisions, and leads with passion.
People love working with Matt! And when he asks them to do something to help the team, they jump to action.
As a result, Matt is able to leave the office at 5pm, and heads to the field to coach his son’s soccer game. Julian is at the office until 6pm, working slowly and methodically.
Julian is outraged when he finds out that Matt was offered the Senior Director role before him. Their boss felt Matt was the better fit for the job, and that the team would support him more. Then he became confused when Matt declined the promotion!
It turns out that Matt was not ready to give up the quality of life that his current role afforded him. As Senior Director, he would be required to travel to the corporate office 2 weeks per month. This wouldn’t be good for his young family. So Matt decided that he would wait until they were in a different phase of life before he would consider that job.
But who knows. By then, Matt will be in his 50s and financially independent. He may decide the Senior Director job isn’t what he wants in the first place, that it isn’t aligned with his goals and values, and that it’s not necessary to live the life of his dreams.
My story
I have always been Type A: ambitious, hard working, and high achieving, trying to succeed in every area of my life.
This is both a blessing and a curse. It led me to a great career in engineering, where I reached my dream job of Chief Engineer in my mid-30s. It propelled me to get a master’s degree and a 2nd degree black belt. And it caused me to push so hard in my life that I went through cycles of burnout and depression.
I relate to both of the stories above in different ways. When the job required it, I put in the hours like Julian did. The stress of those jobs reduced my energy and enthusiasm, which started high.
Instead of letting my physical health suffer, however, I prioritized sleep, exercise, and nutrition as Matt did. Instead of letting my family life deteriorate, I focused on spending quality time with them every chance I had. And I took all of my holiday and vacation time to keep relationships strong.
I was doing my best to balance work, family, and health. It wasn’t easy, and it never felt like I had it dialed in.
It was easier to allow temporary periods of imbalance in life. Work was the priority until a design review was complete. Family was the priority until the evening, weekend, or vacation was over. But health had to be a priority at all times if I wanted to feel and act my best.
Health affects everything you do and every goal you have in life. Don’t let it decline.
I love to learn, found a passion in personal finance while I was still in college, and have been obsessed with financial independence (FI) ever since. This caused me to pick up every financial book that I could get my hands on, read blogs, and listen to podcasts about financial independence, financial planning, and retirement. I invested heavily in real estate and index funds. And it took me 13 years from the beginning of my career to reach FI as a result.
After a 15-year career, I decided to stop pursuing bigger job titles and responsibilities. I was ready to pursue a new and exciting life. So I moved my family to a small Colorado town and began a career as a writer and financial coach.
Now I get to write about something I’m passionate about every day, and to help others reach FI and live their best lives along the way! I also get to live the best quality of life that I can imagine. I am in control of my time, in nature every day, and get to spend more quality time with family and friends.
Conclusion
How important is quality of life to you? Are you living in a way that reflects that importance?
If you really want a good quality of life, you have to live intentionally. You have to approach each area of your life with energy and enthusiasm.
Take control of your life. Too many people allow their employers or external circumstances to control them.
There’s a book called The Power of Full Engagement that I read several years ago, which inspired this article. I highly recommend reading it if you identify more with Julian than with Matt, or if you just want to explore these concepts in more depth.
As always, you can reach out to me on social media or the contact page with questions or comments.
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